Lessons and Memories

The lessons I worked on today were about letting go of the things you don't have and enjoying the life you currently have, it was a pretty easy lesson.  I had already started to come to the conclusion that the way things happened with the job situation really were for the best.  I had become kind of a lesser version of my former self.  My passion for things away from teaching had dwindled down to nothing and I was really not that happy with where my life was heading, I just got really good at covering it up.  I am a better actor than most people think.

Since being in the RIF I was been pushing myself to take care of things that had been overlooked, I have rediscovered my love of writing and film and I have becoming truly happy with being myself.  When I was working on the lesson today all I could think that it has been years since I was this happy.  My life is far from the perfect life I hoped to have at this point but there is nothing I would change.

If someone told me tomorrow that I could have become a successful actress at 19 but I had to give up everything that happened in my life from 19-27, I would have to say no.  I have learned so much over these last few years and I have so many great memories that I would not change for anything in the world.  Most of my positive memories over the last two years have been while babysitting and babysitting in my 20s I think will make me a better parent someday.  It also made me realize that I am still young and I don't really want to have children at this point in my life.

Here are some memories I will always hold close from my past two years as a babysitter:

- Watching movies with L and E and explaining why something is not as scary as they think (i.g. werewolves are just hungry puppies)

- Cuddling with T after she wakes up from a nap, the way her nose scrunches up when she is being mischievous, when she runs to me the second she sees me or the first time she said my name

-Teasing C, having her ask me "Why" every minute, the cute way she debates with me, Teaching her how to be a good big sister

-Playing jungle with K and C while on a playground one evening.  Asking them to describe the "animals" they see and how seriously they took the game

- Being quizzed on HP by D, listening to how great Draco is, and watching YouTube HP videos on her IPOD

- Getting big hugs from P every time I babysit, teaching her not to cry wolf, and watching her become a great middle child.

-Seeing J come into a room with her big smile and beautiful eyes that light up the second she sees me, also the first time she said my name

-Hearing "I'll be right back" from J right before he gets into mischief and the first time he did not cry when he realized his parents were leaving

- Building towers for C to knock over again and again

- Playing dress up with K and C

- Having L wander around the room acting like a cat

- Having M copy everything I say in her completely adorable voice and then have J repeat what her sister just said

- Seeing I and thinking of myself at her age and hoping she gets a equally great childhood

- Being given a pebble by G and having her close my hand around it and telling me it was magic and I need to always keep it with me (this one is one of my favorites and happened right after I started babysitting)

- Braiding K and T's hair while watching Tarzan for the 100th time

- Sitting on the trampoline with H and A and having them tell me about the boys they are crushing on

- Making gingerbread houses with T, C, and K


I was thinking about all my great babysitting memories tonight while babysitting two children I have been watching grow up.  It was just them this evening not the big group and the little boy was talking up a storm.  When I started watching them he was a baby and slept downstairs while I watched his sister and two other children upstairs.  I was so happy this evening just playing with the two kids.  We did nothing hugely exciting but I was having the time of my life and they always help me keep things in perspective.  I just know whatever happens tomorrow I had a great time now.  When I think back on this past year I am going to remember all these memories more than I remember worrying about the bills, or stressing about interviews.  I have a scrapbook for my teaching memories but my babysitting memories are just in my head.